A Not so Sweet Southerners View on Greenville, SC Republican Debate

What will Greenville’s GOP debate leave us with?  A good ole fashion southern show down or a dance all around the issues hoe down?

Donald-TrumpWhen some teens who will be voting soon were asked their thoughts on this year’s election they said “they didn’t really care who won as long as French fries got back into school.”  Too bad Christie dropped, that could have been a first year guarantee.  Fiorina also dropped, this gives her more time to keep an eye on our kids and plan out some more “field trips” to brain wash them.

This leaves us with a few REAL winners.  Jeb Bush, what would a presidential election look like without a Bush in it?  Well, we know Trump would be panicky, but seriously we are all a little tired of the same old ideas and stories that go WAY back, so it’s time to blow out the candle and say “goodnight” Jeb boy.

Carson, are you still here?  Wasn’t sure since you never seem to get to talk at these debates.  Although, that may be a good thing.  Little white lies or let’s say, “exaggerations” seem to come out of your mouth when asked questions.  I would suggest having a very bad sore throat until November.

Ted Cruz, maybe this will be the final blow to sink your ship.  I can picture you now, hair stuck in place, big smile, perfect dive as you happily swim right on back to Canada.

Rubio says…when I’m President…you know Barack Obama knows exactly what he’s doing.
I mean, When I’m President…Barack Obama….geez, that’s the same cue card idiot!

napoleon_dynamite_vote_trump copyOkay, okay…here’s the truth, nothing memorized…when I am President…First, EVERY Tuesday is Taco Tuesday EVERYWHERE for EVERYONE…NO DISCRIMINATION (unless you are of the Trump or Christie bloodline, then you get NOTHING).  Secondly, IF the Christie household happens to get hit by some sort of food product monthly, the Rubio campaign has no knowledge, endorsement or recollection of this happening, but we are sure there will be no food wasted in the process. Lastly, I feel a great thanks to people who stood by and endorsed me, so Jenna Jameson and I will sneak into Trump’s hair room, grab Saturday night’s critter before he wakes up, do poster signed selfies and sell them at Rick’s pawn shop.  (No animals will be harmed and all proceeds will go to save the guinea pigs)

So then we have middle of the road man, Kasich.  He’s no mudslinger, but won’t be called a marshmallow either (we’ll save that name for Christie).  Anyway, this man is like the holy man of politics.  Shall we all bow down as he conversates with the burning Bush for advice? Oh, that’s just you Jeb, you were supposed to blow the candle out not, fling it at Trumps hair!  Good advice Kasich, let’s just wait for the miracle to occur for it to go out.  Now would that be you walking across the Hudson River or parting it so more cars can get by?

This leaves us with the Trump.  So many things I could write about, but they are all so cliche at this point.  His hair or lack there of, his spoiled attitude, his money, his wives…the list can go on.  I’ll take a different approach.  To me, he’s a walking Jack in the box..you wind him up and he’s gonna pop out with something! He makes me laugh all of the time.  The things that come out of that man’s mouth just seem like the bubbles ideas are being popped by his hair pins.  Then I think maybe he has a mental disorder from all that hair glue he uses and that’s not nice to laugh at him.  Bottom line with him though, he is who he is, he’s not racist, fascist or sexist.  He is an equal opportunity discriminator.  He sees himself as Santa and doesn’t want to play in these little reindeer games.  Well, I’m here to tell you Trump, for your sake, I’m glad no more lunches with Christie cuz you’re getting to big for your britches.  Carson is just spinning headlines around to make you feel better.  So glad Fiorina dropped because she’d just reach you to new levels of sneaky. You can easily talk Rubio into that taco Tuesday thing any time. Cruz has many ships, you’ll all be laughing about this in a year or so on his “Jenna” boat covered in posters.
Leaving Kasich..HIGHLY suggested when you see him, give him blessings and pray.  This won’t make you President but it’ll get some of that glued crap out of your eyes so you can see what’s going on and what’s important.

P.S.  Here in the South some of us think of all y’all politicians as about as useful as titties on a bull, but we’d like to bless all your hearts and just for you Trump, I’d wash all of your hair pieces real good.

The Above article  is political satire, if you cant take a joke, we suggest you get a life!

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