Net Neutrality

The Obama Administration has a 300 plus page plan to take over the Internet.

I guess the current cost for the college kid at a cafe to get on the net and do some casual surfing has grown to such an exorbitant amount that Washington can’t ignore the humongous expense anymore. And the hassle! Hashtag, OMG! When was the last time you had to go through the whole miasma and confusion of actually typing your search into that little Google box. I mean, come on, people, seriously. And then, after all those letters and spaces, you have to go to the exhaustive trouble of clicking that little magnifying glass icon to the right?

I can hear the shouts now, “Save us oh great and wonderful Fed from those excruciating three seconds of torture!”

Talk about the horror of Keyboarding . . .

According to Obama, women and minorities hit hardest. Not to mention that there’s just not enough fairness out there on that great Cyber Highway. Translation?

Far too many Conservatives are exposing Liberalism.

You see, the whole worldview of those on the Left can be summed up in one word. Control.

Let’s say you want to sell bubble gum. Can you sell bubble gum?

Nope. Not in this day and age, you can’t. Not unless the government gives its gracious approval first.

A friend of mine, a Republican and Conservative voter, once made a comment on a news story that flashed across the TV screen. It told of the Federal government’s looking into regulating credit card interest rates.

“They need to do something about that because it’s just not right,” said my friend. “Those credit card companies are being ridiculous.”

I didn’t say anything because, sadly, the words were spoken from ignorance, and my friend is just too sweet of a person to offend with a contradiction.

But were this friend of mine more erudite and politically savvy, my question to him would have been, Who? Who “needs to do something?” The city council? The police? The military? Just who are you talking about when you say “they” need to do something?

A cousin of mine once told me he would pick me up and we’d go out, grab a beer, and have a good time on the town picking up chicks. Well, he never showed up. He didn’t phone me, didn’t contact me at all to let me know he wasn’t coming. He just left me there, all dressed up and waiting, dividing my attention between the front door and the telephone.

So, using the same logic as my poor, ignorant friend,

“They need to do something about that because it’s just not right. My cousin was being ridiculous.”

Don’t get me wrong, I agree with the idea. It’s not right for credit card companies to charge outrageous interest rates. It’s not right for my cousin to promise to pick me up and then leave me hanging. It’s not right that the brunette I hit on last Thursday brushed me off like lint on a black sweater.

However – with the possible exception of the brunette’s rejection – I don’t think the Government should be involved in such things as private businesses monitary rates, the Internet, and snooty women.

I mean let’s be real, if the Feds had intervened with that brunette on my behalf, she would have put a hit out on me.

But let’s be honest. Obama doesn’t want to regulate the Cyber Space world so that people will have cheaper access to Netflix. He wants to regulate it because Rush Limbaugh, Glenn Beck, Sean Hannity, FOX News, and millions and millions of angry, fed-up American Net surfers are tired of having their lives intruded upon by one thing after another and are voting Democrats out and Republicans in!

Simple as that.

FYI, Obama is hiding his Internet take-over plan. He is. He won’t let us see it. Not until the vote on it is finished.

Although I’ll have to admit, in reference to FCC regulation, Obama did say,

“It’s irresponsible for the FCC to vote on rules that haven’t been released to the public.”

Oh, wait. That was when he was a Senator. Now he’s a President.

So it’s, well . . . you see . . . well it’s just different.

This is a man who can’t bring himself to say the word Muslim terrorist when talking about Muslim terrorists!

A half a century ago, the illustrious Government declared a war on poverty.

We have far more poor now than when they proposed to eradicate it.

Almost that long ago the Government declared a war on drugs.

The drug problem has skyrocketed since.

Let Washington D.C. get a hold of the Internet and mark my words, you’ll find yourself paying a fee, a tax, a penalty, a fine, a value-added biaxial excise deferment, and a double-turned slipshank clove-hitch to use the damned thing!

Think Obamacare. Think the IRS. Think the DMV.

After Mitch McConnell, John Beohner, Harry Reid and Barack Obama have control of the Information Highway, which right now is free, just remember this article as you sit in front of your computer, staring at a tiny spinning icon for twenty minutes, until finally, just as you’re about to Frisbee your laptop out the window, a pop-up will direct you to a dot gov website where you can log-in and list your name, email, and complaint, and a representative will get back to you as soon as possible.

No doubt the implementation of all this fact-checking, legal and prospective inquiry, sub-divisional contract and accrual based accounting work, accumulated depreciation assessment, outsourcing, underwriting and triplicate tri-gradient paperwork is going to cost the American tax payer an ever so small little tiny minuscule chunk of their paycheck to fund it all.

It’ll wind up being just another program with another bloated bureaucracy nightmare that comes with a new, Office of Internet Security and Fairness Exchange Administration cabinet to run it.

Oh yeah, and another czar.

However, on the other side of the argument, we’re a mere 17 TRILLION DOLLARS in debt, so what’s another several billion or so?

Chump change.

About the Author

Joe Keck is a writer of horror, thriller, suspense, and other fiction, some poetry and music, with the occasional op-ed piece on current events, politics, and theology. Although born in Oklahoma, he was taken to Los Angeles when he was an infant, or as his mother described, "the ugliest little thing I've ever seen", and raised there on the West Coast. He considers himself to be far superior to most on the artistic merits of film and literature, seeing the vast majority of such to be well below adequate. He has four novels and many short stories to his credit, and hopes to one day have them published, promising to hold critics like himself in harsh derision. He's currently restoring a Jason 35 sailboat and plans to sail the world, writing horror stories, and marveling at the illustrative works of the Creator and His Divine story-telling imagery. You may Find Joe's Website at

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