Bob Costas, Guns, Car Exhaust, and Tall Buildings

Bob Costas, Guns, Car Exhaust, and Tall Buildings

By Joe Keck

When anyone commits a murder/suicide, it’s tragic and we should all feel for the families of both the victim and the murderer. After all, I’m sure Jovan Belcher’s close relatives are just as devastated, if not more so, than those of Kasandra Perkins. We should have pity not only for the one murdered, but the one who took his own life as well as he must have been going through terrible emotional and psychological challenges at the time.

What we should not do Mr. Costas, is turn such a horrible incident into a political pulpit from which to preach our particular viewpoint to an audience of sports fans who did not tune in to hear some grandstanding sermon and did not ask you or anyone at NBC to grace them with a self-spotlighting, op-ed rant.

But to the point.

I was at a local hangout of mine, a coffee shop/bookstore I’ve frequented for years, and one of the ladies sitting near me overheard a friend of mine talking about the gun debate. After my friend had left, this unusually polite Gun Control advocate picked up where my friend and I had left off.

“If there were no guns in the world, then there wouldn’t be all this killing going on,” she said, with a heartfelt passion.

Unlike most Liberals, she was a nice, kind woman. I hated to do it, but I had no choice.

“So, let me get this straight,” I said in a purely interrogative tone, “before the gun was invented, there wasn’t much killing going on in the world?”

Poor thing. She did what most Liberals do when their point is shown to be fatuous and vapid. She stared at me with that deer-in the-headlights look, her mouth hanging open, ready to return serve but slowly realizing she had been aced.

“Well,” she finally said with a genuine pained look. “I just hate all the death and bloodshed we see all around us.”

Sadly, like most of her ilk, she fails to understand the obvious. Conservatives hate murder, Liberals hate murder, Moderates and Independents hate murder, Libertarians hate murder.

WE ALL HATE MURDER!

But there is something Conservatives hate almost as much. Stupidity. That’s because stupidity is the real culprit for the ills we have in our culture today.

Case in point, Bob Costas.

I don’t cite his stupidity because of his views on guns, although that is quite stupid as well. I cite it because he – apparently – fancies himself a clairvoyant.

‘If Jovan Belcher didn’t have a gun he and his girlfriend would be alive today?’

For people of average or above intelligence, when something really asinine comes into their minds there is a mechanism that blocks it from forming into words and exiting their mouths. They may think it, but they refrain from actually saying it.

Not so with Liberals, as Mr. Costas so beautifully demonstrates.

Hey, Bob, it’s lesson time. I will use the method of the parallel illustration to make it easy for you.

If there were no such thing as table saws, we wouldn’t have houses.

If there were no such thing as swimming pools, we would have drownings.

If there were no such thing as Democrats, we wouldn’t have . . . okay, okay, not enough space.

The point is – and for the Conservatives reading this, feel free to get up and get yourself something from the fridge during this part – before the gun was invented PEOPLE STILL KILLED THEIR GIRLFRIENDS!

All a gun does is make it more convenient to kill someone. It doesn’t make them do it, Bob.

Okay now, Mr. Costas, you’ll have to put on your thinking cap for this one: How difficult would it be for a 240 pound linebacker to strangle a 110 pound woman? I’ll give our oracular prophet a few moments to figure that one out. Meanwhile, the rest of you can talk amongst yourselves.

(Jeopardy music playing)

Okay, we’re back. Well Bob, got an answer for us?

Ah yes, that silence, mouth open trying to form words as his eyes flitter around, searching for any reasonable response. The answer?

No trouble at all.

Jovan Belcher didn’t need a gun to take the life of his girlfriend. Sadly, every day men in every country, in every culture kill their women without bullets.

Now, another tough one for you Mr. Costas: How easy is it for a 110 pound woman to protect herself from a 240 pound linebacker if she owns and knows how to user a gun?

I can hear Bob Costas’ comeback now,

“Um . . . well . . . I . . . uh . . . well . . . . . . . . BUSH IS HITLER!

Not to get too personal here, but my brother committed suicide by hanging himself many years ago. He too was depressed over a woman, he too was having emotional and psychological problems. Those things, along with his substance abuse, are what lead to his death.

Not the abundant availability and easy access to rope.

So Bob, in an effort to protect you from an inordinate amount of cultural distress, we here in America are not going to get rid of guns anytime soon, no matter how many suicides ensue.

Sorry.

And I don’t mean to sadden you any more than you already are, but we aren’t going to get rid of Bridges over frigid, churning water, either. Nor tall buildings. Nor sleeping pills. Nor poisons, nor razor blades, nor enclosed garages, nor speeding cars and fast moving trains, nor any of the many other ways people can choose to kill themselves.

And as far as ways of killing someone else other than guns?

Okay, I’ll start with blunt instruments, then work my way through sharp objects, then move up to . . .

Better yet, hey Bob. Do you, do me, do us all a favor. Unless it is to give yardage gains or player stats, don’t ever open your mouth again.

About the Author

Joe Keck is a writer of horror, thriller, suspense, and other fiction, some poetry and music, with the occasional op-ed piece on current events, politics, and theology. Although born in Oklahoma, he was taken to Los Angeles when he was an infant, or as his mother described, "the ugliest little thing I've ever seen", and raised there on the West Coast. He considers himself to be far superior to most on the artistic merits of film and literature, seeing the vast majority of such to be well below adequate. He has four novels and many short stories to his credit, and hopes to one day have them published, promising to hold critics like himself in harsh derision. He's currently restoring a Jason 35 sailboat and plans to sail the world, writing horror stories, and marveling at the illustrative works of the Creator and His Divine story-telling imagery. You may Find Joe's Website at http://www.joekeck.com/

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  • Joe Keck

    Thanks, John. You may have a point, there.

  • john williams

    loved the sarcastic, but well thought out put down. unfortunately Bob’s mouth is the only thing open…his ears and his eyes haven’t a chance to see or hear your logic.