Reality Shows vs. Reality- By Joe Keck

Well, it seems that those wascalwy Wepubwicans have done it again.

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to vote for Obama. I don’t vote for blood covered baby murderers, and our commander in chief is the bloodiest of them all.

However, fair and handsome as he is, not only is Romney a moderate at best, he’s also about as organic as Styrofoam. Try as he might, the man couldn’t beat an ounce of pathos into a single sentence with a sixteen-pound sledgehammer.

Obama on the other hand is charismatic, emotive, and sends a true, heartfelt sincerity out to an audience like a spitting cobra. It’s all smoke and mirrors, but still, he can sell a used car with a dead engine as well as shyster.

So my question is, why does the GOP put up people like McCain, Dole, Romney? All winners of the plastic heart award. It would be one thing if they were dull and feckless when it comes to personality but were strong, Reagan conservatives, hawks with iron fists and bronze chests when it comes to politics.

But they aren’t!

Republican candidates for the last couple of decades have been just this side of ________. George W. Bush had his tough moments, sure, but he was moderate as well, and went absolutely Progressive with the bailouts, among other things.

And I, for one, am offended. It’s as if the Republican Party is saying, Hey, let’s settle these gun-toting, religion-loving nut-jobs down a bit by giving them a darn good VP.

There now, be good little boys and girls and we’ll get ice cream later.

 Romney wasn’t a reluctant pro-abortionist. He was vehement. A real podium pounder.

“I believe that abortion should be safe and legal in this country. I have since the time that my mom took that position when she ran in 1970 as a US Senate candidate. I believe that since Roe v. Wade has been the law for 20 years, that we should sustain and support it, and I sustain and support that law, and the right of a woman to make that choice.”

 Blah, blah, blah . . .

So, since they aren’t real conservatives – and they know it – they think they can placate us with a conservative Vice Presidential pick.

Dole chose Jack Kemp as his running mate in an effort to look more conservative. McCain chose Sarah Palin to cover his dalliances with Democrats that left his collar smeared with Liberal lipstick. And now Romney pours Paul Ryan into the bowl, as if stirring in a spoonful of semi-conservative spice will cut the bitter flavor of the Massachusetts moderate.

But with intentional diversion up to this point, I have – if I do say so myself – infused a flaw into my argument. You may or may not have noted it, but in a free society, it always has been, is now, and will always be the crux upon which both Parties stand. And it is this: The afore-mentioned insipid and watery Republican Presidential candidates . . . didn’t pick themselves.

The American GOP electorate did.

Rick Santorum, Alan Keys, Duncan Hunter, all actual real conservatives and all rejected by Republican voters. Apparently, the people in our Party are saying they want moderates. With all due credit and gratitude to the Tea Party movement, the Grand Old Party seems to be getting bluer and bluer as time goes by.

A friend of mine once said, “I don’t like abortion, but I do like that I have an alternative if my sixteen year-old daughter gets into trouble.”

Let me translate that for you.

“Abortion is icky, but I do like that I can kill my grandbaby and throw it away if my daughter and I don’t want to bother with it.”

That was told to me by a conservative Republican.

I don’t know. It’s like we’re plunging into the darkness and many of my like-minded friends are chugging a beer and thumbing the remote as we all spiral into the pit.

I know I can’t vote for Obama, but I don’t’ know if I can vote for Romney. After all, although not as crimson as our current President, Romney too has the blood of innocent babies dripping from his hands.

But, as he puts forth, he has washed them clean in the purifying bowl of enlightenment. He’s seen the light, halleluiah! Just in time too, now that he’s seeking the Presidency of The United States of America.

I suppose I’ll pray about it, think about it, agonize about it, and then hope God gives me a swift kick in the head so that I can be laden with enough cognitive dissonance to make a mark for Mitt.

Then, of course, I’ll grab a beer, plop my fat ass down in a recliner and surf on over to America’s Got Talent.


“A wicked and corrupt generation.”

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