MSNBC Toure´, Van Jones See Racism in Happy Meals

By Drew Alex 

NEW YORK – MSNBC commentator Toure´ and Color of Change founder and former Special Advisor for Green Jobs for the Obama Administration Van Jones have teamed up to launch the ‘No Happy Racists’ campaign. The campaign seeks to put an end to the racist indoctrination of children by McDonald’s Happy Meals. Both Toure´ and Jones claim that Happy Meals promote racial discrimination, white superiority and economic inequality, and have vowed to take the fight for justice and equality straight to the Happy Meal. I recently had the privileged of sitting down for a conversation with Toure´ and Jones to discuss their new campaign.

Me: First, let me thank you gentlemen for taking the time out to speak with me about your campaign.

Toure´: Thank you for having us.

Jones: GREEN POWER! (right hand raised in the air)

Me: So, you’ve launched the new No Happy Racists campaign. Tell me more about the campaign and its purpose.

Toure´: Well, we feel that Happy Meals – everything from the packaging, to the toys, to the food product itself – is racist and trying to indoctrinate children with racial propaganda.

Me: And how’s… (interrupted by Jones)

Jones: GREEN POWER! (right hand still raised in the air)

Me: Uh, oh, okay. And how’s that Mr. Toure´?

Toure´: Well, take the burgers in Happy Meals for instance. The brown, or black – depending on who the cook is, burger is squeezed between two very light buns, which represents the superiority of the white race. Now McDonald’s tries to mask the racism in the burger by putting red tomatoes and green lettuce on top of the oppressed brown, or black, burger in an effort to show diversity. But the red tomato, green lettuce and white buns all have their proverbial boot on the neck of the brown burger. That, to me, is racist.

Me: I think the buns are actually light brown. Also, I don’t recall tomatoes or lettuce being included on a Happy Meal hamburger or cheeseburger.

Jones: That’s what they want you to think. They want you to think the buns are brown when they’re really white. It’s all institutionalized, brother. It’s hidden from plain view.

Me: Racism is institutionalized in the hamburger bun?

Jones: That is correct. It’s invisible. It’s hidden from the non-racial naked eye.

Me: Oookay. Why would racists hide racism in a Happy Meal?

Jones: That’s the perfect place to hide it. It’s the perfect cover. Who would suspect racism in a Happy Meal? It’s genius!

Me: Alright. I understand that you’ve managed to garner significant support for the new campaign. Who are some of the supporters of the No Happy Racists campaign?

Toure´: We have garnered significant support for the No Happy Racists campaign. The NAACP has expressed interest in supporting our campaign. The Reverends Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton, the mainstream media, and the Congressional Black Caucus are among others who have expressed support for the campaign as well.

Me: Quite an impressive list of supporters. You also stated that Happy Meals promote racial income inequality. Could you elaborate please?

Jones: Yes, certainly. McDonald’s often partners with movie studios to promote the latest movie that may be in theaters. They’ll have the Happy Meals box decorated with one movie theme or another and offer a toy related to that movie in the Happy Meal itself. Now, if African-Americans can’t afford to get a free ID card to vote, which is also discriminatory and racist, how are we going to be able to purchase a Happy Meal, which ridicules and mocks us, at the exorbitant price of $3.99? That price may not bother white people but that’s asking quite a lot from us.

Me: So, if I understand you correctly, you’re saying that McDonald’s selling Happy Meals is equivalent to states requiring an ID to vote?

Jones: Yes, that is correct.

Toure´: I have to concur with Van. Happy Meals, in addition to being racist, favor one group economically over another. I also think that McDonald’s wants white supremacists, or conservatives – either/or, to know that they’re not afraid to cook down to black people, to offend them, to be their villain.

Me: (puzzled) What?!

Toure´: McDonald’s offers a product to children that everyone thinks is harmless but that has racism hidden inside of it. Everything from the box the Happy Meal comes in to the wrapper that covers the burger to the hamburger bun and fries that surround the burger are predominantly white. It’s a hidden racist message.

Jones: That’s right! Hidden racist message!

Me: Okay. So what do you hope to accomplish with this campaign?

Jones: We’d like to see McDonald’s develop a less racially divisive, more racially inclusive Happy Meal. We’d like to see black buns, black tomatoes, black lettuce, black burgers, black fries and even a black drink.

Me: You’d like to see black tomatoes and black lettuce included in a Happy Meal?

Jones: Yes.

Me: That doesn’t sound very healthy or even very appetizing.

Jones: Yes, it does sound healthy and quite appetizing to me, and very pro-black and racially inclusive.

Me: I don’t think I’d want my kids eating that. Would you want your kids to eat that?

Toure´: That’s because you’re a self-loathing hater of black people.

Jones: Right on! You hate your own people.

Me: What?! Are you serious?

Toure´: Yes, quite serious. If you wouldn’t eat or allow your kids to eat an all-black, racially inclusive Happy Meal then you are a sellout, an Uncle Tom, a Boo Boo.

Me: A Boo Boo?

Toure´: Yes, Boo Boo the fool. You can’t possibly be black if you’re not in favor of an all-black Happy Meal.

Me: Alright, we’ll end the interview there. Thank you again gentlemen for taking the time to speak with me. It’s been very interesting, to say the least.

Toure´: Thank you Uncle Tom.

Jones: GREEN POWER! (right hand still raised in the air)


Drew Alex is a connoisseur of fine sarcasm, satire and wit. When not writing or blessing someone with his presence, he’s fighting to save the world as the Dark Knight in his Spiderman pajamas while petitioning The Avengers for membership.

Cross posted at  Iron Mill News Service.

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  1. This is really bad satire. And I get jokes. People died so blacks could and can vote. How can you a) be ok with any infringement on that and b) make any kind of comparrision to happy meals? And the “free” IDs are not free when you have to have a way to get there or public transportation available, and the time to be able to go to the office when its open, which in some states is only two days a week. Suppose you are an hourly worker with no paid time off, and have to lose a days pay to go get an ID, the kind they say is acceptable, cause a state issued library card doesn’t work in most cases, and you have to pay for bus. How free is it now?

    And for more proof you’re a hack, voter fraud is very rare. Really rare, but that doesn’t fit with your Obama stole the election ACORN voter fraud meme

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