A Conservative Dilemma- By Joe Keck

What’s with the Republican Party? Has it become an all soft-line moderate-only organization?

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to sabotage governor Romney’s campaign. Heaven knows we need to oust Obama – I don’t think this country can stand another four years of the economic devastation he’s given us. But with the help of his acting coach, as the vice president so theatrically says, “My god, man.”

In the last election, I wasn’t able to vote for the Presidency. I have this thing: I don’t vote for baby murderers, whether Democrat or Republican. And John McCain was – qualitatively speaking – no less a baby murderer than Barack Obama.

McCain liked to pound his fist on the podium and declare himself a “Reagan Republican” that is “Pro-life.”

That was a lie.

Or possibly a statement so over pregnant with ignorance it’s at immediate risk of a spontaneous caesarian.

No one declaring that innocent babies should be slated for the abortion pan just because they are unfortunate enough to be the result of a rape or incest, can stand on the pro-life plank.

Of course, McCain didn’t ‘declare’ his rape and incest exception. In fact, he barely whispered it.

When he sat in front of Rick Warren’s Saddleback Church forum audience, his belief in the killing of the ‘not worthy of life’ babies mentioned above, was never even hinted at.

And Warren’s penurious interest was shameful.

Therefore, I didn’t vote for the Office of Presidency that election year.

As the hyper-intelligent Alan Keyes said, This hand will never pull a lever or make a mark for any abortionist.

I feel the same.

So, what’s a fella’ ta’ do?

The Republicans have run a new red, gelatinous candidate, all soft and jiggly, sitting there in his happy ‘New Look’ bowl. Romney has discovered a fresh respect for life, a neo-epiphany has now lighted upon him when it comes to babies. They’re like people, only smaller.

Hmmm . . . guess he visited a maternity ward.

Guns. Now there’s a subject. At one time, Romney was in favor of Brady Bill style gun control. He’s quoted as saying, “We have tough gun laws in Massachusetts; I support them.” And regarding assault weapons, “These guns are not made for recreation or self-defense . . . They are instruments of destruction with the sole purpose of hunting down and killing people.”

Note to Mr. Romney: The second amendment wasn’t put in the Constitution for purposes of “recreation or self-defense.” It was put there to keep Presidents, and Governors from getting too . . . shall we say, ‘expansionistic’.

But that was then, you see.

Now he’s John Wayne with a hogleg strapped to his leg and a Winchester over his shoulder.

Well . . . okay, I suppose.

RomneyCare? Yeah yeah, I know, It’s good for states, but not for the Federal, blah, blah, blah . . .

To sum up, I’m divided. Do I sit cross-legged with eyes closed, repeating “ahhhmmmmm” over and over again, trying to will myself into a cognitive dissonant state of ‘Romney’s conservative, Romney’s conservative.’

Or do I grab myself by the lapels, slap my face and say, Wake up, HE’S A LIB!

I was beaten up pretty good by my conservative friends for not biting the bullet for McCain last go-round. I think this time, they may consider having me put down.

Just in case those friends are reading this, I’ll probably vote for Romney, if for no other reason than if I don’t, Obama will have that much more of a chance to bring about the ten plagues.

So there it is, the poison, in a Latter Day crystal goblet of slick hair, smooth voice, and a million dollar smile.

Guess I’ll have to drink it, but I’m gonna’ need a lotta’ prayer and a good strong chaser.

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